A cooling ritual for when you feel ‘overheated’ in grief
Grief often feels like it heat in the body — not to mention being in the middle of our Philadelphia humid summers — but grief can feel like flushed cheeks, a pounding heart, tight shoulders, or that wired-and-tired feeling that comes from holding in tears or holding everything together. When the heat is already high and expectations for joy are even higher (see previous blog about summertime sadness), grief can feel overwhelming. This is a simple, cooling ritual to help your body and nervous system process big emotions. It draws on water, quiet, and familiar herbs to invite some steadiness back in.
To begin, set the mood to support calming your system. That might mean dimming the lights, lighting a candle, putting on slow instrumental music, or even just muting your notifications. If you have access to a bathtub, great — but a large bowl or basin in the shower works too. Keep it simple. Your only job here is to show up for yourself and let the water and plants do their thing.
Prepare a small sachet of dried or fresh herbs — consider rosemary, sage, and thyme. These are common culinary plants you may already have in your kitchen or garden. Many community gardens would allow for some thoughtful gathering as well. They’re not only fragrant but carry traditional associations with memory (rosemary), clarity (sage), and resilience over time (thyme). If you don't have a sachet, you can tie the herbs in a piece of cheesecloth or a clean old sock, or toss them straight into the water and strain later.
Fill your tub or basin with warm (not hot, cooler than your body temperature) water, then add the herbs. As the scent begins to release into the steam, step in and pause. You might quietly name your emotions, or say aloud: “Let this water hold what feels too heavy right now.” Let yourself be exactly as you are — no need to change or fix it. Just be.
As you soak, whether that’s your feet or hands or your whole body, gently bring your attention to the way the water feels on your skin, to the scent of the herbs, and to the rhythm of your breath. You don’t have to make meaning of your grief in this moment. Just let it be felt and held. If tears come, let them. If you feel numb or distracted, that’s okay too. We are striving to be gentle with ourselves in this moment and let the water hold us.
When you feel ready, take a few deep breaths and thank the plants and water for helping you hold your feelings.
You might drain the tub or pour out the basin slowly, imagining some of that weight washing away with it.
You don’t need to feel “better” after this. Just a little more regulated, maybe something has shifted without you, maybe you’re a little more able to rest — that’s enough.
This ritual doesn’t fix grief. But it does offer the body some relief, and that matters. You can return to it as often as needed — grief tends to move in waves, and rituals like this can help you ride them with a little more steadiness.
