Coping with grief during the holidays

Nov 9

The holiday season can amplify grief in ways that catch us off guard. While the world around us leans into celebration, many grieving people feel the weight of memory, longing, and emotional exhaustion. The sights, sounds, and traditions of the holidays can stir up strong feelings — not because we are doing anything wrong, but because love and loss are deeply intertwined.

Grief during the holidays often shows up in the body before we even have words for it. You may feel tension in your chest, fatigue that doesn’t match your activity level, or a heaviness when confronted with a familiar ritual or memory. Body-based approaches to grief can help us slow down, feel grounded, and move gently through emotional waves.

These strategies don’t require you to force yourself into holiday cheer, nor do they ask you to avoid the season entirely. Instead, they offer ways to stay connected to yourself, honor your loss, and create space for what feels authentic.

Body-Based Supports for Holiday Grief

1. Tend to the Nervous System
When emotions rise quickly, pause and place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Slowly inhale for a count of four, hold for one, and exhale for six. Let your shoulders drop. Let your jaw soften. This practice supports your parasympathetic nervous system — the part of the body that says, “You are safe enough to be here.”

2. Create Boundaries Around Holiday Expectations
It is okay to participate partially.
It is okay to leave early.
It is okay to say no to traditions that feel painful this year.
Grief changes what we have capacity for. Let this be a season shaped gently around what you need.

3. Make Space for Rest
Fatigue is a normal part of grief. Try planning in “recovery time” after social or emotional events, even if they seem small. Rest can be lying down, taking a bath, sitting in silence, or listening to soothing music. Rest is not a luxury — it is care.

A Ritual for Honoring Grief During the Holidays

This is a simple practice you can do alone, with a friend, or with family.

Candle + Memory Ritual

Materials:

A candle (or LED candle if flame isn’t safe)
A quiet space
Optional: something symbolic (photo, fabric, poem, object)

Steps:

Sit comfortably and take a few slow breaths.
Place the candle in front of you and, if you choose, place your symbolic object nearby.
Light the candle and say (out loud or silently): “I carry this love forward. I do not have to let go to keep living.”
Spend a few minutes reflecting on one of the following:
- A memory that brings warmth
- A quality of your person that you still carry within you
- A moment today when you felt their presence or influence
When you’re ready, gently extinguish the candle. Notice any sensations in your body — warmth, release, heaviness, or quiet. There is no right way to feel.

This ritual offers a way to include your person in the season, rather than feeling forced to choose between remembering them and moving forward.

It’s Okay for the Holidays to Feel Different

There is no correct timeline for grief. There is no “right way” to do the holidays while grieving. If the season feels tender, overwhelming, bittersweet, numb, or strangely calm — that is completely valid. Your grief is a sign of your love. Your body is doing its best to carry that love.