Helping children grieve
When children are grieving, they often don’t talk about their feelings directly. Instead, their grief shows up in their bodies—in play, in energy shifts, in big emotions, in needing closeness, or in suddenly wanting quiet time.
This isn’t avoidance or a lack of understanding. It’s simply how children process feelings. They feel first, and put words to the feelings later—if they choose to put words to them at all.
As adults, we can support them by paying attention to how grief moves through them, rather than expecting them to explain it.
What Grief Can Look Like in Children
Children may show grief in ways that seem surprising:
Lots of movement or “restlessness”
Tiredness or wanting to be held more
Play that repeats certain themes
Suddenly being very silly or very serious
Asking the same questions over and over
None of this means they are “doing grief wrong.” It means they are working hard inside to understand change and loss. Your presence matters far more than perfect words.
How You Can Support Them
Let Play Do the Talking
Play is how children make sense of their world. If the child wants to play superheroes, or build things, or draw the same picture again and again—that is their processing.
Sit nearby. Join gently if invited. You can reflect what you see in simple language, like:
“This looks like some big feelings.”
“I notice the bear went into the cave and is resting.”
They don’t need analysis. Just noticing.
Stay Connected Through the Body
Because children feel emotions physically, grounding happens physically:
Rocking together in a chair
Cuddling or leaning side by side
Holding hands
A warm bath
Wrapping up in a blanket together
These are forms of co-regulation—their nervous system calming with yours.
Keep Things Predictable Where You Can
Grief brings uncertainty. Consistency helps children feel safe.
Small rhythms can help, like:
Lighting a candle at dinner
Saying goodnight the same way every night
Returning to a favorite movie, book, or ritual
You don’t have to fix the grief. You just walk alongside it.
A Simple Shared Ritual to Try
The Memory Stone Ritual
Invite your child to choose a small stone, shell, or bead.
Sit together and say something like: “We’re going to hold this stone while we think about the person we miss.”
Both of you put your hands around the stone and take a few breaths together.
Let your child share anything—a memory, a feeling, a hope, or silence.
Place the stone somewhere special or let your child carry it.
This helps children remember that love doesn’t disappear — it changes form.
For You, the Parent
Your child will move in and out of grief in waves. One minute crying, the next asking for snacks or telling a joke. This does not mean they are “over it,” and it does not mean they are struggling. It means their nervous system is doing its job. You don’t have to have a perfect script. Your loving, steady presence is the most healing thing.
Further learning:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11104402/
https://digitalcommons.lesley.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1078&context=mindfulness_theses
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztPpSg4S728
https://www.dougy.org/assets/uploads/Movement_Activites_Sheet.pdf
