Rediscovering joy in grief
How Bottom-Up Practices Can Help Integrate Joy Alongside Grief
Grief has a way of rearranging the world. After loss, joy can feel like a betrayal—of what was, of who we were, of the people we no longer get to hold. Clients often ask me: “Is it okay to laugh again?” “How can I enjoy anything when I’m still so sad?”
This week, I want to gently offer that joy and grief are not opposites. They are companions. One doesn’t erase the other—in fact, the nervous system does best when it is allowed to feel both.
The Nervous System Doesn’t Speak English
Talk therapy is powerful. But sometimes, we try to think our way through something that must be felt first. This is where bottom-up practices come in—somatic tools that begin in the body and work their way up toward integration.
Joy often emerges in small, sensory moments:
The warmth of a mug in your hands
A note in a song that makes your chest ache
The feel of the sun on your back
The weight of your cat pressing into your lap
When we allow the body to access these moments without shutting them down, we begin to build the capacity for grief and pleasure to exist side by side.
Why We Feel Guilty for Feeling Good
Guilt after loss is incredibly common. You might believe that if you laugh, it means you’re forgetting. If you feel light, it means you no longer care. But grief doesn’t need to be protected from joy—because it’s not going anywhere.
We honor our losses not just by mourning what’s gone, but by choosing to stay connected to what is still here. This doesn’t dishonor the person, place, or part of ourselves that we lost. It allows their memory to be part of a larger, living story.
Bottom-Up Practices for Inviting Joy In
Here are a few practices that may support your nervous system in rediscovering joy, gently and without demand:
Sensory Mapping: Name 3 things that feel good to your body today. Not because you should be grateful—but because your body is still here, sensing the world.
Pleasure Without Performance: Do something you enjoy without needing to be good at it. Paint, walk, touch grass. Let it be messy.
Grief + Joy Journal: At the end of each day, write down one moment that held grief, and one that held light. They often sit closer together than we realize.
Breath as Bridge: Take three slow breaths when you feel a spark of joy. This tells your nervous system, it’s okay to stay here a moment longer.
Joy Is Not a Threat to Grief
You’re not doing it wrong if you find yourself laughing while you’re still heartbroken. You’re not betraying anyone by feeling awe, desire, peace, silliness, or hope.
Grief is a landscape, not a timeline. And joy is not an exit ramp—it’s a trail marker. It’s a reminder that you’re still here, still sensing, still becoming.
