Back to school (but not back to normal) with grief
As summer fades, many of us feel the pull toward new rhythms: alarm clocks set again, backpacks packed, calendars filling up. It’s a familiar cycle — but if you're grieving, or supporting someone who is, this time of year may feel anything but normal.
Whether you're a parent helping a child navigate the start of school, an educator preparing your classroom, or a student yourself — this seasonal shift can stir up complex emotional undercurrents. Transitions are hard during the best of times, not to mention when we’ve had a transition (loss) forced upon us without consent. For many, grief tends to rise in transitional moments. The return to school isn’t just about syllabi and supplies. It’s about who isn’t here to share in it.
A backpack by the door can carry more than just books — it can carry memory, longing, and the unshakable sense that someone should still be here. The first-day photo might be missing a parent behind the camera. The walk to school might pass the very spot where loss first settled into the body. The quiet after drop-off might be the loneliest part of a grieving parent's day.
Grief in these moments is often quiet, especially when a loss happened months or years ago. For children and teens, development brings new layers of understanding to old pain. A middle schooler may grieve a parent who died when they were small, newly aware of all they missed. A high school senior might hesitate to apply for college, not just because of logistics, but because they’re grappling with leaving behind a grieving household or imagining milestones without their person.
And this doesn’t just apply to kids. Adults feel it, too. You might find yourself unexpectedly tearful at school supply aisles, or anxious and overwhelmed by the return to routine after a summer that was, or wasn’t, restorative. Teachers may notice that their own grief surfaces while preparing lessons that touch on sensitive themes — violence, illness, family, or loss. There’s no rule that says grief only gets triggered in the winter holidays. Back-to-school can be its own kind of anniversary.
So, what helps?
Name it. You are not strange or broken if this season is stirring up sorrow. Grief doesn’t follow a calendar.
If you’re in a caregiving role—parent, teacher, support staff—remember that tending to your own grief is not selfish. It’s foundational. Grieving adults create space for grieving kids to feel safe in their own experience.
Consider small ways to soften the transitions. Reaching out to a teacher, therapist, or friend can make a difference. Offering choice, flexibility, and compassion to yourself or others during this time can be powerful.
Back-to-school may not feel “normal” if someone you love isn’t here to share in it. That’s okay. You can carry their memory into this new season in ways that feel meaningful to you — whether that means lighting a candle, packing a favorite snack, or simply letting yourself cry on the drive home. In grief, even returning routines require gentleness.
