The surreality of loss
Change is inevitable, yet when life shifts dramatically — whether through relocation, career changes, relationship shifts, or the death of a loved one — the impact can feel surreal. Grief, in particular, has a way of distorting reality, making it difficult to reconcile what has happened with what we thought would be. The world moves forward, but for those grieving, it can feel like standing still in a reality that no longer makes sense.
Grief often brings a profound sense of unreality. The knowledge that someone is gone can feel fundamentally incompatible with the fact that they were just here, making plans, laughing, and existing. This paradox is especially pronounced in sudden losses, where the mind struggles to process how a seemingly stable reality could change in an instant. This feeling isn’t irrational — it’s a natural reaction to the brain’s difficulty integrating such a significant shift.
You’re Not Crazy—You’re Grieving
The emotions and experiences of grief can be disorienting. You may find yourself questioning your memory, feeling like your mind is playing tricks on you, or experiencing moments where you expect your loved one to walk through the door. These experiences are normal. Grief can make the most grounded person feel unmoored, but this does not mean you are losing touch with reality — it means you are in the process of adjusting to a new one.
Holding Two Realities at Once
Grief forces us to live in two opposing realities simultaneously. The world feels both unchanged and completely different. You may understand, logically, that your loved one is gone, but emotionally, they may still feel present in ways that are difficult to articulate. This dissonance can make everyday moments — like hearing their favorite song or catching a familiar scent — feel like stepping into an alternate timeline where they are still here.
Loss alters your perception. What once felt stable may now seem uncertain. If you believed in a just world, grief might challenge that belief. If you had faith in a certain future, that future may now seem uncertain. These existential shifts are painful but also an important part of grieving. You are not just mourning the person you lost — you are also mourning the version of yourself and the world that existed before their passing.
Life Goes On — But So Do You
The phrase “life goes on” can feel cruel in the wake of loss, but it is also a profound truth. The world does not stop, even when we desperately want it to. This realization can come in unexpected ways—when you laugh for the first time after their passing, when an anniversary arrives, or when social media reminds you of memories with someone who is no longer here. These moments may feel like betrayals at first, but they are also markers of resilience. Moving forward does not mean forgetting — it means learning how to live with the loss.
When someone integral to your daily life is gone, the routines and roles they filled create a void that requires adjustment. This can make even the most mundane tasks feel strange and unfamiliar. Over time, new routines will form, and life will take on a different rhythm, but that does not mean you are erasing their presence. Instead, you are learning how to integrate their memory into your evolving reality.
Navigating Change While Grieving
Acknowledge the Surreal Feelings – Recognize that grief often makes reality feel distorted and that this is a natural response.
Be Patient with Yourself – There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Healing does not follow a timeline.
Ground Yourself in the Present – Mindfulness, journaling, or talking with supportive people can help anchor you when grief feels overwhelming.
Honor Both Realities – Accept that you can hold grief and joy, loss and love, sorrow and laughter—all at the same time.
Seek Support – Therapy, support groups, and conversations with trusted friends can help you navigate the complexities of grief.
Grief is not just about losing someone—it is about learning to live in a world that feels fundamentally altered. While life after loss will never be the same, it does not mean it cannot hold meaning, connection, and even moments of peace. Your grief is real, and so is your ability to keep moving forward, at your own pace, in your own way.
